we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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