Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
