she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
