Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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