so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
