i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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