I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
