She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
