Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
