After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This house was built for laser tag.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
