PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
