The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
