Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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