You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
