Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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