I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
