can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
