I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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