fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
