I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
