we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
