Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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