the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
