It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
