billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
