Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
