so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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