If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
