I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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