i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
