Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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