I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
