Kiss
Puke
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
