After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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