this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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