it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
