I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
