i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
