the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
