What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
