By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
