About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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