My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
