Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Couch. On fire.
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