At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
