I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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