she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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