Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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