Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
