the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
