That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
