My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In other news, I just burned my penis
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
