That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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