tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
