The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
