I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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