It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
