If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
