you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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