drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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