i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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