I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
