I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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