Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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