1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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