Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
