the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
