Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
