I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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