ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
