Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The air was thick with penises
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
