She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
