I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
