Well apparently he's into motor boating.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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