Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
