It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
