Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
