Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
