I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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