Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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