You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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