Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
