some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
