so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just high enough for therapy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
