just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize