Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
