toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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