every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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