dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ruined the universe
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
