I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize