...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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