Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
