You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
