I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
